Written Jun 27, 2012 4:23pm by Renee Albracht
God is good! And prayer works!
I woke up this morning feeling a bit nervous. Only a few tears fell during my prayer time. More than anything, I had a knot in my stomach and a lot of nervous energy. I was ready to get the day over with.
I expected to cry. I expected to sob. I expected this to be the hardest experience I have ever gone through. Back in the early 90's, I modeled my hair like Tommy Lee from Motley Crue, buzz cut underneath all the way around the head and long on top.
When I was even younger, the doctors had to shave the hair around my right ear for ear surgery. These two times are the closest I have ever come to being bald!
When I was a small child, you could not cut my hair short enough. I was a tom boy and wanted to be a boy. A buzz cut would not have bothered me one bit back then.
Today, I am a girl and like for people to look at me and know that I am a girl. I loved my hair. But, once again, I wanted to take control and not wait until clumps fell out.
Had I not wanted to donate my hair, I would have shaved my head last night when I did Mike's and my dad's, just to get it over with. But, I am glad I waited.
On the way, I warned everyone (mom, dad, and Morgan came along) that I may not cry as bad as I thought I would, but I would not be laughing like I did last night.
Denise, my hair dresser, asked if I wanted her to turn me away from the mirror when she cut my hair. No. I wanted to see it happen. It was as if it would not be real if I did not watch. Before she started, though, I grabbed a few tissues from the counter and warned her that I would soon start balling. She shocked me by telling me that in all the years she has done this, since 1968 or so, only two women have cried. Shocker! I told her I would be number three.
She began by putting my hair in a pony tail on top of my head, trying to get as much hair as possible to save for the wig. This place does not donate to locks of love. They donate to a place that specializes in making wigs for children.
After cutting that, she began buzzing my hair in the back. I did not cry because I still saw my beautiful locks in the front. I was certain that as she continued, I would soon start crying.
I never did, though. My three companions took a lot of pictures, something Denise had not seen before. Denise told me stories and walked me through the process. My companions and I talked and laughed. I was actually laughing as the razor shaved off more and more clumps of my hair.
Laughing!!! Where were the tears?
When she finished, I looked in the mirror and said, "I have one good looking head!" I did not feel sad. I did not feel like I would burst out in tears or lash out in anger. I genuinely liked it!
At that moment, I remembered my own prayer this morning. I told God that I knew He was always with me, but I asked to be able to feel Him, in front of me, beside me on both sides, behind me, in front and below me, and inside of me. I wanted to feel Him give me a bear hug from the front and from the back.
I also remembered all the people who told me they would be praying for me. Even as I sat in that chair, my mom received emails from people telling her that they were praying for me at that moment.
Tell me God doesn't exist. Tell me prayer doesn't work! Ha!
Then, Denise brought out my wig. She told me that people name their wigs and told me a cute story about a little girl who named hers fluffy. I said mine would be named Junior! Renee Junior!
When she first put it on my head after shaving my head, I thought, "No way. This is not going to work." It was lighter than my original color and poofy. I don't do poofy.
But, she cut and styled the hair, parting it where I part it, giving me a cow lick the way I do it, and putting it behind my ears like I do. She explained that it would be poofy until it settled to my head. May be up to three weeks. May be sooner with all this heat.
As she styled it, she told me how to take care of it and how I could wear it under different circumstances. She said that since I like to put my hair behind my ears, I should tape the sides. She taught me how to do everything she was doing to make it look as much like my original look as possible.
The only thing that made it look unreal to me was the hair line by the forehead. I had wisps of hair growing low. I have a smooth forehead now! It felt like wearing a ball cap.
It still did not look natural to me, but everyone else said they would never be able to tell it was fake. We went to lunch afterwards at Jim and Nicks, a great BBQ place close by. Mike and my boss, Terry, met us there. Terry at first forgot that I had already had my appointment and did not realize the hair was fake. That made me feel better. Then, when I went to the restroom and looked in the mirror, I could see that it looked real. It simply looked like I had just come from a salon (which I kind of did)!
Who would have thought that I would have laughed so much today and had such a good time? When we finally got home, I immediately took off the wig. I was hot! The bald head does not bother me at all, especially in this heat! I even went outside to take out the trash with nothing on my head! The sun was hot, though! Sunscreen will be a must!
The only time I cried was as I was posting pictures of the day. I kept receiving texts from coworkers who either cut their hair or shaved their heads. My sister had her hair cut at the same time as my appointment. All their support really touched me.
My sister and a friend both told me how proud they were of me. When I asked why, my sister told me because of my strength and all I have gone through. I was smiling in the picture with my bald head. Made her proud like a mother hen!
I cannot take credit for the peace or joviality I felt today. I certainly cannot take any credit for any strength I may seem to have. Only by the grace of God. There is no way I could possibly get through any of this without Him.
This morning, I was reading where Paul talks about a woman's long hair being her joy and a woman's head being uncovered is as shameful as a woman with a shaved head. Thank God those were the words of Paul and not of Jesus. Thank God He loves me in spite of my hair or lack or hair.
Only by the grace of God can I laugh as a disease causes me to sit in that chair and watch my beautiful locks hit the ground. Only by the grace of God can I find joy in an otherwise devastating situation. Only by the grace of God can I get out of the bed each morning and embrace the day. I can't imagine getting through a normal day, let alone cancer, without Him. How others manage, I will never know nor do I ever want to!
All I can say is praise Jesus! And, thank you all for your prayers today! If this is, indeed, the hardest part of having cancer, then I've got this licked!
I woke up this morning feeling a bit nervous. Only a few tears fell during my prayer time. More than anything, I had a knot in my stomach and a lot of nervous energy. I was ready to get the day over with.
I expected to cry. I expected to sob. I expected this to be the hardest experience I have ever gone through. Back in the early 90's, I modeled my hair like Tommy Lee from Motley Crue, buzz cut underneath all the way around the head and long on top.
When I was even younger, the doctors had to shave the hair around my right ear for ear surgery. These two times are the closest I have ever come to being bald!
When I was a small child, you could not cut my hair short enough. I was a tom boy and wanted to be a boy. A buzz cut would not have bothered me one bit back then.
Today, I am a girl and like for people to look at me and know that I am a girl. I loved my hair. But, once again, I wanted to take control and not wait until clumps fell out.
Had I not wanted to donate my hair, I would have shaved my head last night when I did Mike's and my dad's, just to get it over with. But, I am glad I waited.
On the way, I warned everyone (mom, dad, and Morgan came along) that I may not cry as bad as I thought I would, but I would not be laughing like I did last night.
Denise, my hair dresser, asked if I wanted her to turn me away from the mirror when she cut my hair. No. I wanted to see it happen. It was as if it would not be real if I did not watch. Before she started, though, I grabbed a few tissues from the counter and warned her that I would soon start balling. She shocked me by telling me that in all the years she has done this, since 1968 or so, only two women have cried. Shocker! I told her I would be number three.
She began by putting my hair in a pony tail on top of my head, trying to get as much hair as possible to save for the wig. This place does not donate to locks of love. They donate to a place that specializes in making wigs for children.
After cutting that, she began buzzing my hair in the back. I did not cry because I still saw my beautiful locks in the front. I was certain that as she continued, I would soon start crying.
I never did, though. My three companions took a lot of pictures, something Denise had not seen before. Denise told me stories and walked me through the process. My companions and I talked and laughed. I was actually laughing as the razor shaved off more and more clumps of my hair.
Laughing!!! Where were the tears?
When she finished, I looked in the mirror and said, "I have one good looking head!" I did not feel sad. I did not feel like I would burst out in tears or lash out in anger. I genuinely liked it!
At that moment, I remembered my own prayer this morning. I told God that I knew He was always with me, but I asked to be able to feel Him, in front of me, beside me on both sides, behind me, in front and below me, and inside of me. I wanted to feel Him give me a bear hug from the front and from the back.
I also remembered all the people who told me they would be praying for me. Even as I sat in that chair, my mom received emails from people telling her that they were praying for me at that moment.
Tell me God doesn't exist. Tell me prayer doesn't work! Ha!
Then, Denise brought out my wig. She told me that people name their wigs and told me a cute story about a little girl who named hers fluffy. I said mine would be named Junior! Renee Junior!
When she first put it on my head after shaving my head, I thought, "No way. This is not going to work." It was lighter than my original color and poofy. I don't do poofy.
But, she cut and styled the hair, parting it where I part it, giving me a cow lick the way I do it, and putting it behind my ears like I do. She explained that it would be poofy until it settled to my head. May be up to three weeks. May be sooner with all this heat.
As she styled it, she told me how to take care of it and how I could wear it under different circumstances. She said that since I like to put my hair behind my ears, I should tape the sides. She taught me how to do everything she was doing to make it look as much like my original look as possible.
The only thing that made it look unreal to me was the hair line by the forehead. I had wisps of hair growing low. I have a smooth forehead now! It felt like wearing a ball cap.
It still did not look natural to me, but everyone else said they would never be able to tell it was fake. We went to lunch afterwards at Jim and Nicks, a great BBQ place close by. Mike and my boss, Terry, met us there. Terry at first forgot that I had already had my appointment and did not realize the hair was fake. That made me feel better. Then, when I went to the restroom and looked in the mirror, I could see that it looked real. It simply looked like I had just come from a salon (which I kind of did)!
Who would have thought that I would have laughed so much today and had such a good time? When we finally got home, I immediately took off the wig. I was hot! The bald head does not bother me at all, especially in this heat! I even went outside to take out the trash with nothing on my head! The sun was hot, though! Sunscreen will be a must!
The only time I cried was as I was posting pictures of the day. I kept receiving texts from coworkers who either cut their hair or shaved their heads. My sister had her hair cut at the same time as my appointment. All their support really touched me.
My sister and a friend both told me how proud they were of me. When I asked why, my sister told me because of my strength and all I have gone through. I was smiling in the picture with my bald head. Made her proud like a mother hen!
I cannot take credit for the peace or joviality I felt today. I certainly cannot take any credit for any strength I may seem to have. Only by the grace of God. There is no way I could possibly get through any of this without Him.
This morning, I was reading where Paul talks about a woman's long hair being her joy and a woman's head being uncovered is as shameful as a woman with a shaved head. Thank God those were the words of Paul and not of Jesus. Thank God He loves me in spite of my hair or lack or hair.
Only by the grace of God can I laugh as a disease causes me to sit in that chair and watch my beautiful locks hit the ground. Only by the grace of God can I find joy in an otherwise devastating situation. Only by the grace of God can I get out of the bed each morning and embrace the day. I can't imagine getting through a normal day, let alone cancer, without Him. How others manage, I will never know nor do I ever want to!
All I can say is praise Jesus! And, thank you all for your prayers today! If this is, indeed, the hardest part of having cancer, then I've got this licked!
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