Written Jul 15, 2012 3:16pm by Renee Albracht
On Friday, I took Bailey to the vet to take a look at a bump she has on her back. The doctor said it was a tumor. She said it was most likely fatty, but hearing the word tumor did not sit well with me. Not her. Not now! She is my baby, my daughter.
The doctor gave me several options. I elected to let her do a preliminary test in which she took a sample of the cells and looked at it under a microscope. It killed me when they took her away and would not let me hold her while they did the test. Gave me a small glimpse into what my mom must have felt while I was in the hospital.
Again, it looked like fatty tissue. She recommended I watch it and come back if it starts to grow and hurt. Then, we can do more thorough tests.
Friday night, I turned off my phone and left it off for most of the day Saturday. I had a nice, leisurely day reading and watching a movie, The King's Speech. I had a massage scheduled for 4:30pm. The closer to the time of my massage, the more agitated I became. I knew my doctor was reluctant for me to go, telling me to make sure to get a relaxation massage and not deep tissue. The massage place was reluctant to give me a massage, asking me to send them a fax from my doctor saying it was okay.
I was agitated because I felt like too many people are afraid of me. They walk on eggshells around me, afraid to touch me, afraid to ask me to do anything, reluctant to share their burdens because they think it fails in comparison to what I am going through. Some keep their distance. I sometimes feel like I'm a Leper. I was afraid of their judgement, but I was more adamant to be normal and do things my way.
I left the house bare headed, without the wig or hat hair. I got to the massage place and had the best experience ever. My masseuse made me feel very relaxed, and more important, very normal. For that one hour, I felt cancer and stigma free!
He even massaged my head! He had no fear of me! The funny thing was that afterwards, because of the oils and the pressure of the massage, I had hair all over my face and neck. It felt like I had just gotten my hair cut.
After the massage, a few friends and I met for dinner then got our Cheesecake. Not once did anyone make me feel awkward. No one stared! It was great!
Even today, Mike and I went to lunch. I went hairless once again and I felt perfectly normal! Our waitress asked if I was getting treatment. Her sister has breat cancer and just completed four months of chemo. It was a nice talk!
Back to last night, on our way home, we saw a rainbow. It kept growing and changing as we drove. When we got out of the car, we could see the entire rainbow, from beginning to end. Even cooler was the second, less bright rainbow outlining the first! I have never seen an entire rainbow before. I felt such a sense of peace, as if that was God's promise to me that he would see me through!
Now, to the best part of the weekend! I went to bed wearing my Bon Jovi pj bottoms. Then, I had a dream about Jon Bon Jovi. I have seen Jon Bon Jovi before, but have never gotten to talk to him, not even in my dreams! In my dreams, he is always in the background! I've met Richie in real life and bumped into Tico. I have talked to the band members in my dreams, but never Jon!
So, in this dream, I am at a restaurant I frequent often called Sylvan Park. I am there with my dad and some other people. I am standing behind the booth leaning over talking to them. My back is to the front door and register. Lisa, the owner's daughter who has also gone through cancer, came up to me and told me Jon Bon Jovi was looking for me. I said, "yeah, right!" and kept on talking. She said she was serious.
When I turned around, I saw a man standing there wearing a motorcycle helmet. Even though I could not see his face, I knew it was him. He took off the helmet and I ran to him and gave him a great big hug. I held on so tight and he hugged me back. I told him I've been in love with him since I was ten years old. I told him how much his music has meant to me all these years and how much it means even more to me now, especially the song, Welcome to Wherever You Are.
He thanked me and gave me a kiss smack dab on the lips and told me he heard about me and wanted to come say hi and to tell me to hang in there. It would all work out and I would beat this. He then told me what the band was up to and that he and his wife just welcomed another baby into the world. (Not true in real life. Don't want to start any rumors!)
I thought it was so cool that he was talking to me like a regular person, giving me a glimpse into his own life. I could not take my eyes off him. I felt like the ten year old girl who first fell in love with him.
He could not stay long and had to leave. I walked him out of the restaurant and he got on his motorcycle. Before he left, he gave me another smooch on the lips. Even though it wasn't said, in my dream, I knew that Lisa had called in a favor and asked him to come see me.
This may have just been a dream, but I woke up so excited and happy. It was almost as good as actually getting to meet him in real life.
I don't know. Sounds silly I suppose, but between the rainbow and Jon Bon Jovi telling me it would all be okay, and Jesus telling my mom that I was His daughter and that He was taking care of me, I feel like it will all be okay. I'm less stressed about chemo tomorrow!
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