Three Month Checkup

This morning I had a CT scan followed by a doctor's appointment. I have been so absorbed in work and working out and becoming once again absorbed into a life which does not include chemotherapy that I forgot how stressful the whole situation can be. I found myself sinking into that same sullen, withdrawn emotion I would experience the morning of treatments. I had no real reason to think anything would be wrong other than the fact that I have been tired a lot lately, not the same kind of tired as I was before I was diagnosed, but tired nonetheless. After all, I have been under a lot of stress at work, been working out hard, and gave up cokes for lent, any of which could cause me to feel a little sluggish. But, I had no way of knowing what those test results would be and until I knew for sure, I kept that lingering doubt. I have heard of cancer coming back too many times.

Then again, I was recently asked by the youth minister at church to help with their youth program. I really felt like this is something God wants me to do. After hearing Him say "wait" for so long, I really feel like I am hearing Him start to lead me to act. He is also giving me the desire to write again and the story ideas. My characters are coming to life. Why would God start this work in me only to allow me to fight cancer once again? God's ways are not my ways. I cannot possibly know His reasons. Anything is possible and until I knew for sure, the doubts would continue to linger.

If I ever start to believe that cancer and treatment was no big deal, all I have to do is face the possibility of having to actually go through it again and go see my doctor. As soon as I got off the elevator on his floor, the smell of saline hit my nostrils and instantly made me feel nauseated and light headed. No way I can go through all that again! Thank God I was not going there to receive treatment!

While I waited, I got on my ipad and balanced my account. Then, I started reading. Anything to keep my mind off the nausea and the "what ifs."

Luckily, they did not keep me waiting. The techs weighed me and took my blood before sending me back to the doctor. Again, God took pity on me and my wait for the doctor was relatively short as well.

Good new: my CT scan and blood work look good! I'm still in remission! After that news, we discussed my side effects.

The hands are still swelling and stiffening at night. My right wrist is still a bit sore. The facial hair I had is not falling out. It is actually getting thicker and darker, mostly on the sides. My skin is extremely itchy all over. The worst part, though, is the fatigue and weight gain. I am working out hard and have given up cokes. I am doing everything right, but I am still gaining weight. It's not like muscle weight either. If that were the case, I would not care about a few extra pounds. But, if it was muscle, my body would be getting leaner and firmer. My clothes would be fitting better. I am not getting leaner or toner and my clothes are getting tighter.

I overheard the doctor tell another patient how chemo dries out the body. This is most likely the cause of the hand pain and dry skin. This should get better in time. The others could be one  of or a combination of three things:

Either my body is simply readjusting after chemo, in which case it will all regulate itself in time,
chemo threw me into early menopause, or chemo caused me to develop a thyroid problem.

After I met with the doctor, I got my port flushed out. I can't even begin to explain how it feels to walk into the treatment room and NOT have to receive treatment.

I left the office a bit bummed and tried to talk myself out of it. At least the cancer hasn't come back. After talking to my mom, I felt much better about things. My doctor didn't discuss the what ifs. He ordered a test, but knows my OBGYN will discuss the issue with me next Monday when I meet with her. My mom told me how the thyroid works and how easily it can be treated. Now I just need to wait.

Anyway, I purposely left the facial hair until both my oncologist and gynecologist could see it so they will know what I'm talking about. After next Monday, I plan to schedule an appointment for a wax ASAP!

Hair growing fast, but so are my cheeks!!!

 When I had no hair, people often mistook me for a man. Now that I have facial hair, people no longer mistake me for a man. Strange!

A Random Act

I have another pretty cool story. Yesterday Karen Kingsbury came to Belmont to talk during chapel. She was going to talk about Writing for God. It wasn't what I thought it was going to be about. Instead, it was about living our lives for God. Our lives are stories for God.

I came just to listen, but when I arrived, I noticed that they had a table set up to sell books and had cash. So, I stood behind the cash register and decided to stay there until the folks from Books-a-Million left. 

After the event, the author stayed to sign autographs and talk to fans. When I am at work, I am not allowed to "be a fan" so I did not bring a copy of my book to sign or even expect to talk to her. 

As people waited in line, I overheard a student ask how long they were going to be there. They said only until Karen finished the signing. The student wanted to get a book autographed for her mom, but she did not have any cash. She wanted to go back to her residence to get money, but would not have made it back in time. I could see the disappointment on her face as she turned to get in line without a book. 

I told the girl to give her a book and that I would pay for it. She gave me a weird look and asked if I was sure. I said yes, but don't tell the student who bought the book. 

A few minutes later, the book seller told the Belmont staff member who was putting on the program. I know her well and she started to make a fuss about it. I walked up to them and said, "Now, let me explain." I told her about my sister turning 40 this year and her wanting 40 random acts of kindness. Benita works for the VP of Spiritual Development. She loved that idea and said she was going to use that.

After the event, Karen was signing books for Books-a-Million. I stood out of the way and planned to leave as soon as the people with the money left. Benita asked me if I had met Karen yet. I said no. Benita introduced me and told her what had happened. Karen loved it. They asked me how many random acts I had done so far. I said I think this makes 19.

The girl from Books-a-Million chimed in and said, "She didn't even want the girl to know what she did!" 

I said that would negate the purpose of it!

Benita told me that I could claim my 20th random act today as well since I saw a need and volunteered to stay and help them with the event. I said that would not count since I would have done that anyway as part of my job.

Karen said she could see that turning into a story. "I see it now," she said. "A 19 year old girl dying of a terminal illness. In her will she leaves..." she trailed off. 

I laughed and told her that I was a writer as well and that I always joked that I would leave Belmont if Oprah called me and wanted to feature me on her book club. I said that most of my stories come from real life. She said the best stories come from real life. 

I didn't stay long after that. Once the money was gone and safe, I left to get back to other duties. 

If we ever end up reading a book about a 19 year old terminally ill girl who leaves something in her will about 19 random acts of kindness, we will all have my sister to thank for that one!

If Karen doesn't use it, it may make it's way into one of my novels in the future!!! 

After the event, I emailed Tori to tell her about it. She commented that it may have been her idea, but I was the one doing the acts. I told her, as Karen said, the ideas are important and can take on a life of their own. I told her a story that Karen shared with the students. 

The story of Hattie May Wiatt and the 57 Cent Church:

http://jackjodell53.wordpress.com/2012/03/25/the-57-cent-church/

A little girl, Hattie May Wiatt, stood near a small church from which she had been turned away because it was “too crowded.”

“I can’t go to Sunday School,” she sobbed to the pastor as he walked by.

Seeing her shabby, unkempt appearance, the pastor guessed the reason and, taking her by the hand, took her inside and found a place for her in the Sunday school class. The child was so happy that they found room for her, and she went to bed that night thinking of the children who have no place to worship Jesus.

Some two years later, this child lay dead in one of the poor tenement buildings. Her parents called for the kindhearted pastor who had befriended their daughter to handle the final arrangements.

As her poor little body was being moved, a worn and crumpled red purse was found which seemed to have been rummaged from some trash dump.

Inside was found 57 cents and a note, scribbled in childish handwriting, which read: “This is to help build the little church bigger so more children can go to Sunday School.”
For two years she had saved for this offering of love.

When the pastor tearfully read that note, he knew instantly what he would do. Carrying this note and the cracked, red pocketbook to the pulpit, he told the story of her unselfish love and devotion.

He challenged his deacons to get busy and raise enough money for the larger building.

But the story does not end there….

A newspaper learned of the story and published It. It was read by a wealthy realtor who offered them a parcel of land worth many thousands.

When told that the church could not pay so much, he offered to sell it to the little church for 57 cents.

Church members made large donations. Checks came from far and wide.. Within five years the little girl’s gift had increased to $250,000.00–a huge sum for that time (near the turn of the last century). Her unselfish love had paid large dividends.

I think I will continue doing random acts even after I complete Tori's 40!