A few weeks ago, while laying in bed, I started thinking about the past three years and how hard they have been, from divorce to cancer. I was thinking about where I thought I was, where I really was, and where I am now. I had just been reading Ecclesiastes. "In much wisdom, there is much grief, and increasing knowledge results in increasing pain." Eccl. 1:18
I thought to myself, "I'd rather be a fool." I immediately shot out of bed and thought that would be a great title for a book. I got up and jotted down the thoughts floating around in my head.
In the past few weeks, I have only written an incomplete prologue, but at least it's a start. When I feel the need to write, instead of writing in my blog, I have been trying to write my story. The thoughts are coming. I can't wait to write them all down!
Six Month Checkup:
Tomorrow marked six months since my last treatment. Today I had a CT scheduled for 6:50am and an appointment with Dr. Meluch at 11:30am.
Yesterday, I felt on edge, nervous and agitated, not knowing what to expect. I had no reason to expect bad news, but everyone's well wishes were not going to be enough to ensure my continued health.
I have been feeling great and am slowly starting to loose weight. Last week, I started back in Krav Maga--only the heavy bag class, but it was still very intense and it was wonderful to be back. This past Saturday, I participated in my first 5K. I ran (if you can call what I did running) most of it! I have never run that much in my life, not even when I was young, fit, and healthy! The next day, I was extremely exhausted, but I did not have the muscle pain I expected.
Last Sunday, I put on the wrong pair of jeans while getting ready for church. Those jeans did not fit the last time I tried them on. Now, they are snug, but they fit without me having to suck in my gut in order to zip them up! I have not lost a ton of weight, but my body is starting to tone up a bit.
Even though I am doing well with my workouts, there is no guarantee that the cancer did not come back. Until I heard the official word from Dr. Meluch, I was not able to relax. Between the time of my CT scan and doctor appointment, I felt like someone awaiting the verdict. Would I get to walk out a free person? Would I be sentenced to life? To death?
While the tech took my blood, she asked how I was doing, like she always does. I gave the same answer I always give after a CT scan. "I'll know in just a little bit!"
As she walked me to an examining room to wait, we walked by Dr. Meluch. As he passed me, he patted me on the back and told me my scans looked good. I immediately felt the weight lift off my shoulders. Waiting alone in the examining room, I wiped tears of relief from my eyes.
When Dr. Meluch finally came into the room, he told me that overall, my scan looks good. I still have lymph nodes in my chest and I have an inflamed something or other in my throat. This something or other usually shrinks with treatment. They have gotten bigger in me. It's benign, though, nothing he was concerned about. The fibroids in my ovaries are growing as well. He sent those reports to my gynecologist. I suppose she will contact me if this is something to be concerned about.
On a side note about that - I was starting to think that maybe I was going through early menopause after all. After removing the IUD, my gynecologist told me that my hormones would go "crazy" in a few weeks and I would start bleeding. It has been well over a month and nothing...until this morning. I am glad to know that I am not yet going through menopause!
Dr. Meluch noted that I have lost some weight. Only three pounds since my last visit, but at least it's a start in the right direction. I told him I have the working out thing down, but I'm still working on the eating right thing. I am having difficulty giving up the cokes.
He told me that sugar is bad for cancer patients. It does not cause cancer, but it keeps something from breaking down properly. I don't remember what that something is, but it is something that helps fight cancer. He told me to let that fact be my inspiration to quit drinking coke.
As Dr. Meluch examined me, we discussed how it has been six months since my last treatment and how it has been a year since this journey began. Before we wrapped things up, I patted my port and said, "So, six months until this comes out?"
He said yes then added, "unless it is causing you problems."
I told him it wasn't causing me any problems. It wasn't hurting or anything. It's just that I am anxious to get back into my self defense class and I can't do that until the port comes out. Dr. Meluch gave me a sly smile, patted my arm, and said "We'll take it out!"
I felt so giddy. "REALLY!" I exclaimed.
He smiled, said yes, and declared that I am healed!
After getting my port flushed, I went back up to him and asked if he was serious, if I could really go ahead and get the port out. He said as a rule, he likes to leave it in for a year unless it is causing problems. However, he encourages people to start getting back to normal as soon as possible. He put in the order to have it removed!
I asked him if there was anything else he needed from me before I left. I usually leave right after getting the port flushed. I did not know if he needed something else since we were planning to take out the port. He came around to me and gave me a hug and said that's all he needed.
I love that guy. He has no idea how much he means to me and how much his positive and fun interaction with me means to me. I feed off of his reactions and interactions with me. Getting good test results are one thing. His behavior with me tell me much more than test results that I barely understand. If he can have fun with me and suggest taking out my port without me technically asking, then I must be okay. Better than that, he must be confident that I am going to continue to be okay!
