Written Sep 3, 2012 1:23pm by Renee Albracht
Last week went about as expected. Saturday, I started feeling better. Although I did not feel as well as I would have liked, I felt well enough to make breakfast and go to a movie. My mom and I and Morgan went to go see Hope Springs. It was hilarious! However, there was a lot of talk about sex. Morgan kept covering her ears and eyes. That was pretty funny, too, but even though the couple was married and there was nothing inappropriate, I do think we should have reconsidered taking her!
Sunday...Mike was going to take my mom to the airport so I could go to church. However, I wanted to take her and besides, by Sunday morning, I wasn't feeling quite right. Mom sat in bed with me and we watched television until it was close to time to leave.
After I dropped her off, I went to church. I caught the last bit of the sermon then went to Sunday School. The longer I was there, though, the worse I felt. I couldn't concentrate.
I ran into Pastor Ulmet after Sunday School. He wants me to be a part of the service on September 16th. He'll tell me more later. The thing that surprised me was he and his wife thought I looked so good and couldn't tell I was going through cancer. All I could think about was how bad I was feeling and how much I wanted to just crawl back into bed!
I intended to go to work for a bit after church then go to the grocery store. Instead, I came home, grabbed a bite to eat, then went to bed. I stayed in bed pretty much all day.
I'm not really sure how to describe how I felt. It wasn't exactly like the rest of the week had been and it wasn't exactly like the flu. I didn't have a fever. I just felt weak and clammy. The more I thought about it, the more it reminded me of how I felt last March when I was first diagnosed as anemic. Unlike then, though, no vomiting. Part of me thought I'd feel better if I had! I hope that doesn't mean my blood counts are down. If I don't feel better tomorrow, I'll call the doctor.
Today, I don't feel as clammy and have had much fewer hot flashes, but I still feel low. I tried to get up this morning only to get back into bed almost immediately. I finally got up at noon to take Bailey to her daddy's house and to get something to eat. I thought about going into work if only for an hour or so, but just couldn't do it. I'm on the couch with my laptop and am going to try to get a little something done. I'm going to try to keep myself out of bed.
It is really an emotional blow to backslide. My doctor told me some weeks would be worse than others. He told me to think of my body as a prize fighter. It's taking a beating and at some point, it's going to break. Then, it'll build back up. I was just hoping I had seen the worst about it. Taking this turn makes it hard to think how I can possibly go through another round of chemo. However, as long as I have a few good days before the next treatment, I know I'll be okay. If not, they probably won't give me chemo. I know that's the purpose of the lab work. They want to make sure I'm healthy enough for treatment. If I'm not, they may postpone it a week. Part of me would rather move on and get it over with. Another part of me could not imagine getting sick when I'm already sick. That's a week away though, so no point worrying about it now!
My friend, Carol, was going to come over this morning to make me pancakes since I wasn't feeling well enough to get out today. I didn't have an appetite, though, and just don't feel like company. Brad invited me to hang out for a bit when I dropped off Bailey. Same thing, though. I just don't feel well enough and want to be close to bed and the bathroom.
I did have a bowel movement this morning. It felt like I was passing razor blades. Luckily, I only spotted. No major blood like I was afraid there would be. I feel like I need to go again, but I am afraid to.
This coming week is very busy for me. I have safety programs every evening except Friday. I can't afford to be sick. Please pray my blood levels are okay and that I will feel better and ready to work tomorrow!
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