Written Jul 6, 2012 11:14am by Renee Albracht
Feeling better today, but not great. My body feels better, but my mouth, throat, and ears do not. I have a call into the doctor to get a prescription to help with that. Since tomorrow is the weekend, I don't want to wait and see how I feel on Monday before I called.
I spoke with my mother-in-law last night and realized how others can tell just how bad I am feeling. She brought it to my attention that my grammar and spelling were pretty bad in my post yesterday. Because I am such a stickler for proper form, she could tell how miserable I felt and it made her cry. It made me cry knowing how my moods affected her, and others, I'm sure. The funny thing is, I thought I spell checked and read over it before posting. If I did, I really was out of sorts! I do know my hands were very shaky and my eyes could not focus clearly on the screen!
I told my mother-in-law that I was having a "feel sorry for myself" day. There was a man on the news who had kidney cancer. Because of a new procedure, he was in the hospital for two days and back to work in two weeks. I grunted at the television and was angered that a cancer as serious as kidney cancer could be treated easier than my cancer. I was jealous.
I was angry because it's been a very hard two years--first divorce then declining health leading to cancer. Yes, there have been some great times, learning and healing moments mixed in, but once again, I felt like Job. What did I do to deserve this? Why me? I reminded myself that it could be worse and six months is such a short time and that Job was not just restored, but given bigger and better blessings.
Still, as I looked at myself in the mirror with my home remedy mouth rinse in hand and my semi bald head staring back at me, I felt sorry for myself. My hair has not yet begun to fall out. It is actually growing back. "I would rather lose my hair than have these mouth sores," I thought as I stared at myself.
Interesting to realize how others can "hear" me without actually talking to me!
I've always thought I had a special gift with words. I suppose that gift goes further than I ever imagined! I can't wait to get better and get started on book number three! It will be fiction, but like my other two, it will have a great deal of me in it! I have been mulling over book number three for quite some time.
While in counseling during the divorce, I told my counselor that I felt like I was going crazy. She said what I was going through and feeling was perfectly normal for a perfectly abnormal situation.
That is the moment I knew what book number three was going to be about. It has simply morphed some after this cancer thing.
Anyway, I do not feel great, but I do feel better today. Thank you for all your prayers.
I spoke with my mother-in-law last night and realized how others can tell just how bad I am feeling. She brought it to my attention that my grammar and spelling were pretty bad in my post yesterday. Because I am such a stickler for proper form, she could tell how miserable I felt and it made her cry. It made me cry knowing how my moods affected her, and others, I'm sure. The funny thing is, I thought I spell checked and read over it before posting. If I did, I really was out of sorts! I do know my hands were very shaky and my eyes could not focus clearly on the screen!
I told my mother-in-law that I was having a "feel sorry for myself" day. There was a man on the news who had kidney cancer. Because of a new procedure, he was in the hospital for two days and back to work in two weeks. I grunted at the television and was angered that a cancer as serious as kidney cancer could be treated easier than my cancer. I was jealous.
I was angry because it's been a very hard two years--first divorce then declining health leading to cancer. Yes, there have been some great times, learning and healing moments mixed in, but once again, I felt like Job. What did I do to deserve this? Why me? I reminded myself that it could be worse and six months is such a short time and that Job was not just restored, but given bigger and better blessings.
Still, as I looked at myself in the mirror with my home remedy mouth rinse in hand and my semi bald head staring back at me, I felt sorry for myself. My hair has not yet begun to fall out. It is actually growing back. "I would rather lose my hair than have these mouth sores," I thought as I stared at myself.
Interesting to realize how others can "hear" me without actually talking to me!
I've always thought I had a special gift with words. I suppose that gift goes further than I ever imagined! I can't wait to get better and get started on book number three! It will be fiction, but like my other two, it will have a great deal of me in it! I have been mulling over book number three for quite some time.
While in counseling during the divorce, I told my counselor that I felt like I was going crazy. She said what I was going through and feeling was perfectly normal for a perfectly abnormal situation.
That is the moment I knew what book number three was going to be about. It has simply morphed some after this cancer thing.
Anyway, I do not feel great, but I do feel better today. Thank you for all your prayers.
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