Our church recently started an upward sports program. Through that program, we learned just how dangerous the neighborhood can be. One young participant came in one day and asked for prayer for her uncle who had been shot. This led to the idea of bringing Umbrellas for Peace to First Church.
This is a very brief synopsis of the program.
Since the event was to be held during a good week, I volunteered to help. However, to be perfectly honest, I wasn't looking forward to it come Saturday morning. I had gotten more manic than normal this week, going to bed late and waking up early, intent on living each moment to the fullest while I could. By Friday, the lack of sleep had caught up with me. I went to bed reasonably early, but I was still quite tired when I woke up Saturday morning.
With the exception of the early morning cold, I had a ball. I was supposed to man one of the tables, passing out the materials and giving instructions. However, the tables were pretty well manned and I quickly found my niche doing other things. I greeted families as they arrived and led them to the tables. I also saw how messy things were getting and started walking around handing out paper towels. At one point, I took possession of a friend's dog and walked around holding her wrapped up in my shirt.
After the painting, we paraded a few blocks through the neighborhood. I had no idea what a big deal this was going to be. They had streets closed and police presence. The parade was simple. We just walked holding up our umbrellas. Drivers stopped in the middle of the road to take pictures. Neighbors watched from their front yards and balconies. A lot of us got a chance to talk with those from the community who participated. It was a lot of fun. Even made it into the paper today.
However, by the time we got back to the park, I was exhausted. The volunteers were supposed to stay and help clean up. I had to go. Not only was I tired, but I was starting to get a sinus headache.
I met Mike and Morgan for lunch then came home and crashed for a few hours before picking up my mom from the airport.
I took another long nap after church this morning. I still have not recovered from yesterday. Who knew that something so simple would take so much out of me? I should have known. After all, I haven't been active at all in about four months or more. Plus, my allergies have been bad this week. The ragweed is killing me!!!
Tonight, we went to dinner with some friends. My friend, Patricia, is a nurse. She was telling a story about strange patients. She mentioned that another nurse had saline syringes in her pocket and one patient thought it was a gun. After she mentioned saline, I started to feel queasy and developed a medicine taste in my mouth.
The mental sickness is probably worse than the physical sickness now. I have said it several times, but the worst part for me is when my brain is functioning, but my body is not. That is hard on me. I try not to be so bitter about it. After all, things could always be worse. I have one friend who is going through her second round of treatments. A coworker at Belmont has leukemia. He took a turn for the worse and is in the hospital. He has lost about 90 pounds. Still, as I have told others, hardship is relative. Even though they are going through so much, it doesn't make my journey any less burdensome. It still sucks.
I am glad my mom is here, though. When she got here, I told her she could either sleep in the twin bed upstairs or in my bed. She said whatever I prefer. I usually like having my own space and don't like to share my bed, but a lot of things are changing. I used to covet my me-time. Now, I can barely stand to be alone. I asked her to stay with me.
I am also going to try to stay out of my bed and off the couch more this time. I have started associating them with being sick and a few days after I start to feel better, I start to feel sick simply by sitting on the couch or going to bed. This time, I plan on napping upstairs on the twin bed. Mom can be up there reading with me some. We'll see how that works. I may end up staying in my own bed since there is no television upstairs. I don't know.
I don't think there is a whole lot I can realistically do to make it better. Like Dr. Parrott said in Sunday school today--sometimes we fly, sometimes we run, but most of the time we simply put one foot in front of the other. I think next week and the following three weeks of chemo, I will simply need to put one foot in front of the other. I do know this, though, I could have never gotten through this journey had it not been for all the support I have gotten from my church family, work family, friends, and blood family, especially the blood family. I will be forever indebted to my bulldozer of a sister who wouldn't let me get away with trying to do this on my own!
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