Session Ten

Today I will be going in for session number ten. I know a lot of you may be wondering how I am doing after that last post.

I have felt a sense of peace since Michael's memorial that I haven't felt since I first got sick. That whole emotional release helped me see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Still, I felt the same old feelings of dread start to creep up on me last night and this morning. It's not as bad as in past weeks.

This morning, I came to work for a bit since my appointment isn't until 10:45am. Helps me not to think about what's about to happen. All the talk about the upcoming holidays helps as well. Church is discussing our annual Thanksgiving day breakfast. People at work are starting to make their holiday plans. Stores are already decorating for Christmas and the holiday commercials are already starting to come out! It's not even Halloween yet!

All of it gets me excited. If all goes as planned, I will be cancer free during the holidays...and the holidays...they are quickly approaching.

Well, today I get the results of my pulmonary lung function test. I think it will come out okay. I hope and pray I can hold on to the peace I have found (or that has found me) and that consequently, this week will go by better than the past few sessions.

If I can be quite candid for a moment, I have a few prayer requests. First, please pray that I can hold on to the peace God gave me through Michael and also pray for some physical healing. The chemo has left me with hemorrhoids that will not go away. At least the doctor thinks it's hemorrhoids. All I know is that the medications are not helping and it hurts like the dickens to have a bowel movement. Makes me bleed most days.

It is also still hard to breathe. I think my lungs are okay, but when I take a deep breath, it feels like the back of my throat burns a tad and it feels like air is escaping. It kind of feels like how I feel if I ran as fast as I could as far as I could for as long as I could. The doctor said this was a side effect of the chemo, but it really stinks. Hard to even yawn!

Anyway, it's time to wrap things up and head to the doctor's office. Only two more sessions after today!