It's a Good Morning

Feeling better today. My nose is starting to heal and as my nose heals, the rest of the right side of my face feels better.

While laying in bed last night, just before drifting off to sleep, I started reminiscing about this entire journey. It surprised me when I began to realize I was going to miss this experience - not the chemo treatments or the pain and discomfort associated with it, but the lessons learned and the growth achieved.

I am a new person. The experience of life with cancer changed me. I have grown closer to God. I have learned the meaning of life and figured out how to love and be loved. I am more mellow and things don't botther me the way they used to. My priorities have changed. My relationships with family have grown stronger and I have made new lasting friendships. I have gotten to know strangers and now care about people and things other than just myself.

I am going to miss seeing my family so often, having them come stay with me during chemo weeks. I'm going to miss all the well wishing cards and emails.

I hope instead of forgetting these lessons as I once again immerse myself into the routine of daily living, I can embrace them and continue to grow -

stay in touch with family even though we will not see each other as often

take these dreams and ideas God has given me and work to make them realities

spend more time with God and continue to grow my faith and share my faith with others

continue to learn and strive to put the needs of others before my own

live, truly live a life for Christ and not simply go through the motions

become the person I envisioned while laying in bed at home unable to do more than think

take steps to become like those people I once looked up to and said "I want to be like that someday" so that some day, someone will look to me and say the same thing

live a life worthy of the second chance God has given me...

I will miss some of the vivid dreams  chemo has given me...may seem foggy brained during the day, but my imagination sure does flourish at night!

Before cancer, every dream I had about Bon Jovi never included Jon, or only included him from afar. After cancer, I have met him several times in my dreams. I met him again last night!

I was at a huge party. Everyone I know was there - all my family on both sides, close and distant, my friends and co-workers from Belmont, friends from high school, friends from church. I knew it was a celebration of me being cancer free. My hair was still quite short, but it was growing out and I had my eyebrows and eyelashes back. Everyone was so dressed up. My dad was in a tuxedo and he seemed so happy, smiling and laughing as he touched my Aunt Amy's arm while they talked.

I looked on proud as could be. Bon Jovi provided the entertainment. (Now that would be something - to get Bon Jovi to play for my party!!!)

I, too, wore an elegant yellow dress. That was the only thing wrong with the party. I thought, "If this party is for me, I need to be me and I am not comfortable in this dress. I left to go change into more comfortable clothes. (Now, this is unrealistic behavior. I don't care if I was wearing a pink tutu and tiara. There is no way I would leave a room where Jon Bon Jovi stood!)

But, indeed, I did leave. Mike's English Mastiff, Delila, and my little Rat Terrier, Bailey, were with me in the room as I was changing. A group of men got into the room somehow and looked like they were going to attack me, but took one look at Delila and changed their minds.

One brave soul thought he'd try anyway. Bailey barked, but neither dog did anything. I fought him off, though, and won! He fled and I finished getting changed.

A couple came into the room and asked if I was ready to go. I was supposed to leave on a trip with them the next day. I said no and headed back to the party. I had missed enough of Bon Jovi and wanted to get back quickly.

Unfortunately, when I got back, the party was breaking up and the stage was dark and empty. I asked where the band went, hoping they were merely taking a break. I was told they had left.

Broken hearted, I walked outside and sat on the steps. With head bent low, I rubbed my bruised and bloodied left hand. The basement door opened and I saw the legs of a man walking up the steps. I did not look up. I merely scooted to the side to get out of his way.

I heard a gentle male voice say something to me. I don't remember what exactly was said, but it was two words. Something about me being strong or courageous. I looked up, and there stood Jon Bon Jovi. He sat down next to me. Although nothing was said in the dream, I knew word got out about what had just happened to me and they had planned this special surprise for me - a special moment alone with my hero!!!

I woke up feeling pretty fantastic this morning. Was it because I once again met me hero in a dream or because I am physically feeling better today or was it because of my post sleep prayers and thoughts?

Whatever the reason, I'll take it. Heard Mandesa's "Good Morning" on the radio this morning and was jamming out on the way to work! It is, indeed, a good morning!!!