Even If - The Hurt and the Healer

On my way in to work this morning, Wally on WayFM discussed an incident which occurred with a fellow Christian radio station involving the Kutless song, Even If. A man wrote in saying he would no longer listen to the station because of that song. He hated it because it was not positive and uplifting. Turns out he had lost his wife to cancer and could not accept the truth of those lyrics.

I am not one to call in to radio stations or write or anything, but I needed to respond to this one. So, when I got to work this morning, I sent an email to Wally telling him my story with the song. In an uncertain and sometimes trying times, it is comforting to know that God never changes.

Before listening to this commentary, another song, The Hurt and the Healer, by Mercy Me was stuck in my head. Although chemo week was not that rough, I had a rough Sunday and am having a rough Monday so far.

This weekend, my nose started to hurt. It sometimes does when I blow and rub my nose too much which is all the time during the fall allergy season. This was a bit different, though. I woke up Sunday morning with a sore nose. My right nostril was slightly swollen and my right eye was a bit itchy. By the time I got to Sunday School, the entire right side of my face felt swollen. My right nostril and right side of my lip were extremely sore. For a brief second, I wondered if I had had a stroke. Since the rest of my body felt normal, I assumed there was probably another explanation.

When I got back to my car after church, I figured out the other explanation. I looked at my face in the mirror and saw what looked to be a rather large booger in my right nostril. "Great," I thought. "How many people saw that and didn't say anything!" I knew it was not a booger. I knew exactly what it was and knew this thing was the cause of the pain to the rest of my face.

It was what I call a boil. I have not had one since the summer. I used to get them a lot right before I was diagnosed with cancer. A hair follicle would get clogged and grow to look like a gigantic pimple. When it popped, it was like an enormous pimple popping. These things are extremely painful. The last ones I got were around my right eye back in June/July just before my eyelashes started falling out. I suppose this means I either have or will soon no longer have any nose hair!!!

I was afraid to pop it because sometimes popping them make them worse. So, after church, I went to bed and kept a hot rag on the right side of my face. After several hours, it started to drain slightly. I took tweezers to it and pulled off the dry skin. This eased the pain some. Before I went to bed, I tweezed it again. This time, it really popped and oozed a lot of puss. It was gross and immediately afterwards, the entire right side of my face, including my teeth, throbbed in pain. I took some Tylenol and went to bed.

This morning, the heat from the shower opened the wound back up and it pussed some more. My nose and face are starting to feel better!

On top of the face thing, my stomach hurts. It took me a while to get ready this morning and again, like I did the Monday after the last session when my dad was here, I contemplated staying home. Like the last time, I wanted to give it my all to come in. As long as my head is clear, I wanted to give it my all to be a part of the real world today. I have a lot to do both with work and other projects.

With the words of Mercy Me, The Hurt and the Healer, stuck in my head, God's encouragement lovingly whispered in my ear, I made it in today.

"The Hurt & The Healer"

Why?
The question that is never far away
The healing doesn’t come from the explained
Jesus please don’t let this go in vain
You’re all I have
All that remains

So here I am
What’s left of me
Where glory meets my suffering

I’m alive
Even though a part of me has died
You take my heart and breathe it back to life
I’ve fallen into Your arms open wide
When the hurt and the healer collide

Breathe
Sometimes I feel it’s all that I can do
Pain so deep that I can hardly move
Just keep my eyes completely fixed on You
Lord take hold and pull me through

So here I am
What’s left of me
Where glory meets my suffering

I’m alive
Even though a part of me has died
You take my heart and breathe it back to life
I’ve fallen into your arms open wide
When the hurt and the healer collide

It’s the moment when humanity
Is overcome by majesty
When grace is ushered in for good
And all our scars are understood
When mercy takes its rightful place
And all these questions fade away
When out of the weakness we must bow
And hear You say “It’s over now”

I’m alive
Even though a part of me has died
You take my heart and breathe it back to life
I’ve fallen into your arms open wide
When The hurt and the healer collide

Jesus come and break my fear
Awake my heart and take my tears
Find Your glory even here
When the hurt and the healer collide [x2]

Jesus come and break my fear
Awake my heart and take my tears
Find Your glory even here

 

PS. ALL my teams won yesterday!!! Titans, Saints, Cowboys, Texans!!! Especially the Saints (Beat the undefeated Falcons) and Texans (Beat the Bears in Chicago)! Whoop! Whoop! That alone makes for a pretty good Monday!