I'm Going on an Adventure

As I sit in my hotel room in Texarkana, I can't help but compare myself to Bilbo Baggins. Life on the Shire is pleasant and predictable. He minds his own business and has a love affair with his books. He has no intention of disrupting this pleasant life, but Gandalf disrupts it for him, taking him on an adventure!

I see the hand of God in my day starting more than two years ago when He promised me things would eventually get better.

Last spring, I told Mike he should join me for Christmas. We actually had a pretty good plan going. Then, Morgan came to live with him and things weren't going to work out quite as we planned.

I still planned on Brad coming back to Texas with me like we did last year. Would help me with expenses and give me company. I would take him to his folks and spend a few days there before heading to see my family. That didn't work out as planned, either. Brad's job was going to keep him in town and he could not join me. So, Bailey and I made the trip alone.

God wanted it this way!

I was originally going to leave on Saturday like I always do, make the most out of my time home. However, after working two weeks in a row and being flat out exhausted by that first Friday back at work full time, I decided it would be a good idea to take the weekend to rest before travelling.

Then, I got a text from my mom Friday morning telling me that my step dad was in the hospital. (He is doing much better!) I immediately turned to Mike and  told him I was going home right then. However, after talking it over with Mike and Terry, I realized I had too much to do at work and home to get ready to leave. There was nothing I could do at the moment anyway. I decided, instead, to leave work early to get things done and leave on Saturday as I had originally planned.

Something didn't feel right, though. I didn't know why, but something inside kept telling me to wait. So, I spent a day at the movies with friends on Saturday. We saw Rise of the Guardians and the Hobbit. Both great movies.

I considered leaving on Sunday, but again, something told me to wait. I told myself that I needed to consider my own health. I also told myself I might as well stay one more day and go to my church's children's service and Sunday School Christmas party. Both were legitimate reasons for staying, but it was that unnameable, inaudible voice that made me stay until Monday.

God wanted it that way!

So, I woke up this morning and before I left, I said a short prayer. In my prayer, I asked for a safe, uneventful trip with God at the wheel. It was uneventful in that I did not have any problems with weather or traffic and He sure did show up and take charge of the trip!

Mike bought me a nifty device that allows me to play music from my iPhone through my radio. I forgot to read the directions before I left so I simply listened to the radio. When I lost the WayFM signal, I scanned the stations and stopped on another Christian station.

A man was preaching about waiting on God. I knew that sermon was meant for me. After the mental and physical struggles I have been experiencing, I knew I needed this lesson. I am still experiencing the side effects of chemo. The most recent one is another boil in the nose. This time, it's the left nostril. Although it is still there, it has popped a few times, decreasing the pain. But, it is another reminder of what I have just been through and the journey I still must travel.

As I listened to the sermon, I realized waiting entailed more of my life than simply recovering from cancer. Two illustrations truly spoke to me. The first was a story about a woman who visited a monastery. She went on a walk trying to find peace. However, she could not sit still for more than a few minutes at a time. She felt like she needed to be doing something, reading a book, something. Sounds familiar!

On her way back to the monastery, she saw a monk sitting perfectly still. He looked very peaceful and he stayed that way for quite some time. She later asked him how he could possibly sit there doing nothing. He said that she has fallen victim to the society in which she lives. We live in a society where everything is at our fingertips. We do not have to wait for anything. We have lost sight of the gift of waiting.

Sitting still is not an act of doing nothing. It is doing the greatest thing one can do. It is waiting on God. It is in the waiting that we hear the voice of God.

The preacher went on to talk about how hard it is at first, but promises that it gets easier with time.

This is something I have lost and have prayed to recover and do better than ever. Before my divorce, I knew how to sit in silence. I loved my time at the monastery. Granted, I, like the lady, felt like I needed to do something, even read. After the divorce, I could not stand the silence. Just when I started to find the peace in silence again, I got cancer and lost that peace. Once again, I needed noise around me to keep me calm, specifically, the mind numbing television.

I don't blame the divorce alone for this change. Around the same time, I got my first iPhone. Now, I had the world at my fingertips. I quickly got used to texting, instant access to email and the Internet. I no longer had still, quiet moments in my life.

After the sermon ended, I turned off the radio. It amazes me how awake I felt and how quickly time flew by without music. I thought all kinds of thoughts, remarked on the view in front of me, talked to God - I enjoyed the journey instead of marking time with songs and destination points!

The other part of the sermon was just as powerful. He talked about how we tend to get in the way of the Holy Spirit. This got my attention because I have a big problem with this. God does not always work on my time clock. The pastor reassured the listeners that if we get out of the way, God will work. He said it may not look like it, but we must trust Him because He loves us. He also said sometimes we get so complacent  in our lives. Why would we move if we are comfortable?

He compared our relationship to God with a mother eagle and her young. When it is time for the young eagle to leave the nest, some young eagles are eager and venture out on their own. Some are too comfortable in their nest. So, Momma Eagle dirties the nest and makes it uncomfortable. Some young eagles will leave because their bed is no longer comfortable. Some still refuse to leave.

If they still refuse to leave, Momma Eagle jostles the nest until the young eagle falls out. As he falls, he struggles and fights. It looks like he's going to crash into the ground. Just at the last second, Momma Eagle swoops down below him and scoops him up on her back.

They sore up to the sky and fly. Just when the young eagle feels safe and secure again, Momma Eagle drops him. She does this over and over again until the young eagle learns to use his wings and fly on his own.

Is that not powerful? Need I say more to interpret that one?

In the quiet of the car, I thought back to my trips to Gethsemane. I did not get to go this year. Last year, I was so sick, I spent most of the time in my room asleep. I never once went hiking. The year before that, Brad and I just split up and I was in the worse place I had ever been.

I remember that walk with God. I remember the fight in the woods (not a literal fight). I remember finding my way again and God telling me to look back. I did and saw the shape of a cross carved out of the trees, the spot where I stood looking out across the glorious landscape, before I got lost. He called my attention to the sense of relief and peace I felt at that moment. He told me my life, like that moment, would get better. He promised me I would come out the other side stronger and I would find peace. The year before that he showed me the tree which split apart in the middle. He used that tree to warn me of the bad about to come. He told me things would get worse before they got better, but He promised they would get better.

Amazing moments with my God. When I wait on Him, He will talk to me. He has kept every promise He ever made me. So, during my trip today, I decided to turn off the world and practice waiting.

Stop number one: just past Memphis into Arkansas. I stopped for gas and was approached by a man who needed help. My cynical instincts questioned his motives. God told me to obey Him and forget about his motives, that was between God and the man. God called to mind what I often tell student groups. "I want to help people, but I don't give cash. I will help anyone-gas, food, tow truck, but I will not give them cash." I explain the safety reasons behind this. God asked, "Are you, then, a liar?"

I filled up his gas can. As I continued down the road, I checked my wallet to make sure it was still there. I thought of all the ways he could have possibly scammed me even though I followed all my own safety tips - lock the car door even if I am standing right beside it, don't keep my back to him, be aware of my surroundings, etc. There was no real opportunity for him to scam me other than take gas he really didn't need or want, but I kept insisting in my mind that he scammed me some how.

Stop number two: other side of Little Rock at a rest stop so Bailey and I could stretch our legs.

As I walked her around, I saw this man screaming. I kept a close eye on him, unsure if he was in desperate need of help or crazy. I saw him bend over and start throwing up. Two older women, one whom I assumed worked there, asked him if he was okay. She managed to get him talking and eventually sit down. He grabbed his chest and pointed toward the parking lot. From their interaction, I thought he had either been shot or hit by a car. I did not see blood, but he was wearing a dark green sweater and dark green camouflage overalls.

The woman who was talking to him walked away. Looked like she was getting something out of his truck. I asked the other woman if they needed me to call for help. She said an ambulance was on the way. I continued walking Bailey, but God kept nagging me to do something. So, I did the only thing I knew to do and I prayed for him. That was not enough for God. He wanted more. I did not.

"There are two women attending him and an ambulance on the way. They have it under control," I reasoned. God, however, does not care anything for our logic. He again used my own words against me.

"What is it you tell them in the new staff and new student orientations?" I explain to them why it is important to call security first instead of or in addition to calling metro in an emergency situation. "Seconds count," I say, "and we can get there faster than metro because we are already here and know where to go. All our officers are trained in first aid and CPR."

I looked over at the scene and the man was laying on the ground and the two women stood over him doing nothing. If he was bleeding, I needed to try to control the bleeding. Seconds count. "But it doesn't look like there's anything I can really do," I pleaded, not wanting to get involved. "Then comfort him," God said.

I walked Bailey to the scene, told them I was trained in first aid and CPR and asked if they needed help. One woman was on the phone with the paramedics and told them a woman who knew CPR was on the scene. I took that as my cue to help. I took Bailey back to the car then came back.

The man was not bleeding. I didn't do much other than make sure he lay on his side, none of the good Samaritans gave him anything to eat or drink, and talked to him, doing my best to calm him down and trying to slow his breathing. The first officer on the scene was there within minutes and the paramedics were close behind. I stayed only long enough to ask the officer if he needed me to stick around. When he said no, I left and let them do their thing. I did hear them talking. They think he may have had a appendicitis.

Back on the road, I could not believe how good I felt. I did nothing yet I did something profound. I obeyed God. Granted, I fought Him, but in the end, I knew I had to do what He told me to do. I knew if I didn't do it, I would be mad at myself. If I didn't do it, He would not trust me with greater things. If I didn't do it, I would never grow.

I teased God, wondering what would be in store for me at the next stop. I asked God to join me today and did He ever. He used stop number two to teach me a lesson about stop number one. When He tells me to do something, I need to do it and stop questioning Him. He taught me something about my attitude of giving.

During the course of the day, He also taught me the importance of waiting and explained why He allows us to go through seemingly bad stuff. It is all about love.

Now, I am going on another adventure...to Whataburger...home of the best burgers and chocolate shakes ever! No Whataburgers in Tennessee!