The doctor warned me that it would take roughly a year before I felt normal again. However, he never explained what exactly that meant. What I have been going through, although better than cancer, has tried my patience over and over again.
Last Monday, I met with my OBGYN. She ran a blood test to see if I had a thyroid condition or if I was going through menopause. I didn't get the results until a full week later. Good news, no early onset menopause. Other news, looks like I do have hpyo-thyroidism. She advised me to see my primary care physician.
Luckily, she was able to see me the very next day. On Tuesday, I met with my primary care physician, the same woman who finally had sense enough to know that something was wrong. She is the one who scheduled me to see Dr. Meluch. She is the one who took the x-ray of my chest. She is the one who worked with Dr. Meluch to get me into the hospital. I took this opportunity to thank her.
She confirmed that I had a slight problem with my thyroid. That explains my symptoms: weight gain, fatigue, itchy skin, temper. However, she explained that it could be a temporary problem caused by the chemo. It may correct itself in a year or two. Or, it may be a perminant problem. For that reason, she is starting me off on a dose slightly less than what she would use on someone else. She does not want to shock my thyroid, causing me to have the opposite problems, hyper-thyroid. I will get retested in six weeks and continue to be monitored to see how things are going. I started my medication, Synthroid, this morning. She said it will probably take a few weeks before I start noticing any affects.
I also asked her about my wrist. It started hurting around Christmas. It started feeling better for a short time then slowly got worse. Now, it is to the point that I cannot write. I have to have my entire arm flat and write slowly. Every once in a while, I get this excruciating pain in my wrist when I do very normal activities such as picking up a bag or opening a door. At night, any movement I make wakes me up.
She thought it was a cyst and said it could most likely be treated with a shot. There is a small chance I may need surgery to remove it. She referred me to a hand specialist. She assured me that Dr. Douglas was a nice and good looking young man! He is also married!
I was a bit stressed out about medication. She told me she could not give me the generic brand. I need to take the name brand. She assured me that she would work with me on finding another medication if this one turned out to be too expensive. It is a new year which means my health insurance deductibles start over. That's another $4,000.00 coming out of my pocket. I am already trying to figure out how to cut costs from my monthly bills. Last thing I need is one more big cost.
Luckily, Belmont pharmacy only charges cost, no additional fees. A month's supply cost me less than $5.00! Hopefully, this medication works for me! It sure does work for my wallet!
I had an appointment with Dr. Douglas this afternoon. It started out very well. I was told to arrive 30 minutes before my appointment to fill out paperwork since I was a new patient. I arrived fifteen minutes earlier than that! I filled out that paperwork, got x-rays done, and waited to meet the doctor before 3pm.
The visit with Dr. Douglas did not go as easily as I expected and hoped. My pain is a bit abnormal. The cyst, if it is a cyst, is not located where he normally sees cysts. He told me of all the options, but highly recommended an MRI so that he could see exactly what was going on instead of simply assuming what the problem could be.
Unfortunately, because it was late afternoon and they could not get a hold of my insurance company, they could not do it today. They will have to call me to set up another appointment. I was pretty upset for several reasons.
I knew a shot on the wrist would probably hurt like crazy, but I had prepared myself for this, expecting a shot today and relief over the weekend. Also, an MRI costs money. There is a chance I may have to pay out of pocket before they can even do it. I have no money right now to pay up front. Even if they charge me and let me set up payments, which they would most likely do, this is more money that I am responsible for paying, keeping me in debt even longer.
I started doing the math. I am going to continue needing tests, even if I only get the occasional CT or PET scans, I will end up meeting or exceeding my deductible for the next five years. That is $20,000 additional debt. When will it end? Will I ever be able to afford to move back home? Will I end up dying in debt? When is enough enough? When am I going to get a break?
It's frustrating as heck, but I know it will all be okay. All I can do is look up, look in, shake my head and smile. This is my unspoken prayer and way of throwing up my hands in surrender to God. It has been our little joke for the past few weeks. And, as my mother-in-law said, even if I am in debt forever, that is a good thing. It means I am still alive.
As I walked to my car after leaving Dr. Douglas' office, I was so frustrated, I just wanted to punch something. But, my wrist hurts too bad to punch something. Even if I my wrist felt fine and my doctor released me to do so, I cannot afford to start taking Krav Maga again. Great stress relief, great workout, but my body will not cooperate and my wallet will not allow it. URGH!!!!!!!!!!!
When I got into the car, I put on Bon Jovi's new CD, What About Now, hoping the new music would lift up my mood. The song that came on was extremely appropriate. I listened to it several times.
The Fighter
These eyes hold no secrets I hide no truths...
I’m that book that ain’t finished, a sink full of dishes,
The horse that ain’t winning, the priest that’s still sinning
The spark that starts the fire
I am the fighter, though not a boxer by trade
I am the fighter, few will remember my name
With loneliness next to me, fear sits in misery, nursing another black eye...
I am the fighter, though not a boxer by trade
I am the fighter, the fighter that’s born but not made
lyric video from youtube: )
lyric video from youtube: )
I am a fighter. With the grace of God, I can keep trudging along. Bring on the MRI and whatever other stumbling blocks await me in my path. Each one will only make me stronger.
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