Today I had my six week appointment with my oncologist. It's been ten months since my last treatment. I was a little reluctant to go because I have not been doing well this past six weeks and I did not want to let Dr. Meluch down. He was so proud of my progress last time.
During this six week period, I started off amazing, running my first 5K. Soon after, work started getting stressful and my dog, Bailey, whom I call my daughter and my heart, got really sick again. It broke my heart. I just knew I was going to lose her. I gave up on myself for a little while, not caring much about working out or trying to eat better.
Surprisingly, I still managed to loose two pounds. I credit the medicine because I have not been doing well taking care of myself at all!
Dr. Meluch was not disappointed one bit. When he came into the room, he asked how I was doing. I told him I was great, but admitted that a few weeks ago, I felt my throat and thought I felt a lump. He examined me like he always does and told me everything was okay. He said it is common for people who have been through what I have been through to immediately think the worst. I can hit my hand quite naturally, hurt the next day, and wonder if cancer has returned. There is no logical reason to jump to that conclusion, but it is common and normal to do so. I told him about the Women Survivors Convention and how helpful it was to hear from others and know that what I am going through is very normal. I told him about the 5K. He was proud of that.
After examining me, he told me I will more likely experience long term effects of the chemotherapy than actually getting cancer again, such as the need for my upcoming hysterectomy and the thyroid issue. I told him I have an upcoming appointment with my gynecologist to schedule the hysterectomy.
I said, speaking of my thyroid, I haven't been doing as well as I had hoped. I didn't get into the details with him, but I told him I'd been having a rough time lately and when things go bad like they have, I tend to eat!
Instead of being disappointed with me, he gave me a side hug and said he could tell I was feeling better. I had a sparkle in my eye. He said it was okay that things weren't going as well as I had hoped. It will come. It will happen. That made me feel pretty good.
When I left, I wondered a little at why he wasn't more upset with my slow progress. I realized that:
1) he's the one who told me it would take time. I'm sure he realizes better than I do the struggles with regaining a sense of normalcy and moving forward. (I saw an interview with a survivor of sexual assault recently. She said there is no such thing as getting back to who you were before the rape. Instead, you learn to find a new normal. I think the same is true for survivors of any major life changing event, including cancer.)
2) It occurred to me that a lot of people don't even try to do what their doctor tells them to do. I think he recognizes that I am trying. I trust him and know he knows more than I do about how to get healthy again.
I asked him when my one year anniversary date is, the last day of treatment or the day I got my tests and he said I was in remission. He said it was the date of my last treatment. In that case, I will be celebrating in less than two months (November 19). However, it will be some time in December before I get my next scan. I will celebrate again once I get the official word that all is still good. At that time, I will talk to him about if/when I can move back home!
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