I met Cowboy several years ago when I started driving/volunteering with a nonprofit called Mobile Loaves and Fishes. I met Cowboy at Tent City and we became friends. I and my friend from church, Tommy, started going to Tent City once a month to grill out with the homeless people there and to fellowship. We always grilled at Cowboy's camp. We never did start the Bible study that we talked about. We simply hung out. Occasionally, someone would ask us to pray or ask a question. Most of all, we were simply friends.
When the 2010 flood wiped out Tent City, I helped Cowboy and his wife, Rhonda Lee, find their beloved pets and salvage what they could from their home. Luckily, Cowboy and Rhonda Lee found housing and had a warm, dry, safe place to sleep.
We stayed in touch for a while. I would pick Cowboy up and go get something to eat. I would come visit and hang out for a little bit. Rhonda Lee didn't like hanging out with us much, but she enjoyed me being there and I think even enjoyed me getting Cowboy out her hair every now and again!
He had a dog named T. He was a good, sweet, big boy!
Cowboy was probably in his 60-70s. He was a character. He was my friend.
Then, I got cancer. He called every now and again, but I never answered. Every once in a while, I thought about calling him, but never got around to it. Too busy or too tired or too something.
While still fighting my own battle, I found out he had been diagnosed with cancer as well. He did not want to go to the hospital, though. He did not trust doctors and did not want treatment.
I kept meaning to call him, but something more important always came up.
I thought about him less and less often.
This past Sunday, I found out he passed away. No one knows exactly when. My heart broke. I hadn't seen him in over a year, but now I found myself thinking about him constantly and missing our silly little chats. I miss him telling me the same story again for the umpteenth time. I miss my friend.
I felt...not guilty...but disappointed and ashamed of myself. The last time he called me, I looked at the phone, saw who it was, and didn't answer, thinking I'd call him back later. Later never came.
When I got home from church, I called his number, hoping and praying that somehow, the person who told me Cowboy had died was somehow mistaken, that I still had a chance to make it right. The number never rang. A recorded voice said the customer was not taking calls. I sent a text. I never got a response.
I have a bad habit of not answering calls from friends right away because I am in the middle of doing something else. Problem is, I too often forget to call back. A friend called the day before and I did not answer. I was in the middle of working on a report for work. I didn't call him back until God brought him to mind while I was talking to God on Sunday after church.
God told me not to feel guilty, but to learn from this. I know relationships are more important than busyness, but I have not been living as if I believed that. God told me to make sure I am a friend to those whom I call friends.
That day, I called all the friends I have put off recently, including the one whose call I didn't take the day before. Whatever else I planned to do could wait. Nothing was more important than talking to my friends.
It was so nice talking to a few people I haven't talked to in a while. I was still feeling down, though, because of how I ignored Cowboy and missed my chance to tell him that he was important to me. I started to reminisce about my time at Tent City. I really do miss it, but never got to make of it what I had hoped.
My friend, Tommy called while I was thinking such thoughts. We talked about our time at Tent City and Tommy almost made me cry. It's as if he knew exactly what I needed to hear. We talked about God's plan vs. our own and following God's lead. We talked about how we were ministering in Tent City even if we never had a formal Bible study. We were fellowshipping. We were living God's love. I forgot how important that could be. I realized that maybe, just maybe, Cowboy knew, even if we hadn't talked in a long time, that I really did care about him.
I lost my friend to cancer. This time, though, I do not have survivor's guilt. Instead, I have living regret. I feel at peace about his passing, though, and am confident that he is at peace as well. I still love him and am grateful for the time we did get to spend together.
This is Cowboy, real name Jack, but very few were fortunate enough to be trusted with his real name. This was taken around Thanksgiving 2009 when a big group of us went to celebrate with a big feast and Christmas gifts.
This was Cowboy's camp at Tent City.
The May 2010 flood at Tent City. Cowboy's camp is by the blue tarp in the right corner.
Rhonda Lee trying to find her babies after the flood. We found most of them.
I started getting sick almost immediately after going to Tent City after the flood. The city had already condemned it and we were told not to go. When we insisted, we were told to wear rubber boots and a mask. I wore boots, but took off the mask because it got too hot. Cowboy and Rhonda Lee didn't want to wear a mask at all. Cowboy had his cowboy boots on and he said that was good enough.
I can never prove it, but I always blamed this moment for causing my cancer since I started developing the cough almost immediately after this day. The cough was a sign of the cancer. My fault for not wearing the mask like I was told to do. I simply assumed that was bureaucratic BS because they had been trying to get the homeless out of this area for years, but there was always societal backlash. After the flood, it was the perfect excuse to make them leave without looking like A-holes. Turns out, they weren't just being greedy, heartless politicians. I have never regretted what we did that day and the fight we fought for their right to return to the only home they knew.
Cowboy didn't even try wearing a mask. He went back a few more times after I took him back initially. He got cancer, too, at about the same time as I did. Not Hodgkins Lymphoma, but cancer nonetheless. Makes me wonder.
I love you, Cowboy, and I will miss you until we see each other again!
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